


Two Player Game

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Exhibitionism kinda??, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 19:17:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10315172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cartman doesn't think Kyle is very fun, and Kyle sets out to prove him wrong.





	

"You cannot be serious!" Kyle Broflovski hissed, keeping his voice hushed as to not alert the attention of the substitute English teacher. Stifling his anger to any degree was a real challenge, though, because everything was a challenge when it came to Eric Cartman. 

"I'm seriously, Kyle!" Cartman shot back, the other boy's name distorted oddly on his tongue. "It would be super fucking fun! Not that I'd expect you to understand the idea of fun. All that pent up sexual frustration for your best friend can do that to a person." 

Stan's cheeks turned pink as he looked away from the ensuing argument, suddenly very interested in planning his essay. He knew very well that that the accusation wasn't true, but the thought still embarrassed him. 

"Oh fuck you, dude!" Kyle whispered, throwing his pencil to the desk in frustration. It bounced once and fell to the tile below, as was Kyle's luck. He elected to ignore it, instead crossing his arms in a power stance. "You wouldn't know fun if it hit you in your fat fucking face!" 

On this last exclamation Kyle's voice rose to a volume that was less than socially acceptable, especially in the context of a silent classroom. Kyle avoided eye contact with his classmates. For the most part his outburst was met only with blank stares and the occasional eye roll. It wasn't as though this was any real oddity by South Park's standards. Not by a long shot. 

"No need for hysterics, Kyle!" Cartman said, satisfied smirk firmly intact. "Your face is getting all red." 

Kyle pressed a palm to his face in exasperation and sighed, not quite sure where to go from here. Nothing was really at stake, he knew, except for maybe his principals. These petty arguments between himself and Cartman were nothing but a boring South Park mundanity at this point, but Kyle still found himself becoming as worked up as ever he'd been. 

This newest disagreement had broke out over the particulars of a prank regarding Butters Stotch. Well, it wasn't really a prank, actually, not as much as it was a scheme. The boys weren't doing it because they found it funny necessarily, it was more just a plot on the very vulnerable for the sake of their own betterment. Scratch that, it was totally funny. They found it funny and it benefited them, which was really the perfect motive. 

You see, Butters had recently obtained the newest Grand Theft Auto game which-dude!-wasn't even out yet and Cartman decided that he most definitely needed it to himself as soon as fucking possible. The game had fallen into Butters' hands through a series of shenanigans which might have had something to do with the Loch Ness monster? Or the Russian government, maybe? Kyle couldn't be sure. 

In any case, the game didn't have any place belonging to Butters who sucked ass at video games and was just generally, like, totally lame. Cartman had come up with the brilliant idea to convince the boy that Werewolves were coming to South Park and the only way to quench their insatiable blood lust was...if Butters left the game in the parking lot of Tom's Rhinoplasty at approximately 9:30 pm Friday night for the monsters pick up and subsequently devour. 

Now, Kyle didn't have many qualms with the plan's general layout. Sure, a voice somewhere in the back of his mind shouted ceaselessly about its immorality, but hey! Sometimes great things came at a cost. So for the most part, the idea was perfectly fine. There was just this one little thing though: Kyle held strong in the belief that lying to Butters about werewolves was just a little too bland for his taste and, for that matter, Cartman's. I mean, werewolves? How juvenile! 

Now trolls on the other hand, Kyle had suggested, there was a concept. Cartman had merely dismissed this idea as typical Jew behavior. 

"You only thought of that because trolls steal people's gold, Kyle!" Cartman had shouted only minutes before. "Leave it to a Jew!" 

"Trolls don't steal people's gold, fatass!" Kyle had yelled back with fervor even though in all honesty, he couldn't for the life of him remember. Did trolls steal people's gold? Was that a thing they did? 

After some additional trading off of insults, the pair had gotten themselves to this part of the conversation. The part during which Kyle was supposed to be the bigger man and concede. Instead, he only huffed and puffed in his seat, fuming with unresolved tension. He couldn't believe Cartman had the nerve to say he wasn't fun! 

"Do you admit defeat Kyyyle?" Cartman asked, slurring his words with purpose. He knew how much that inflection got under his rival's skin and how it stayed there, digging into his sanity. Heidi Turner whipped around in her seat before Kyle could answer with his own biting remark, flipping her hair and glaring. 

"Eric, can you just shut the fuck up?" She asked. 

"You're such a b-" Cartman began, only to be cut off abruptly by the school bell's ringing. The sound wasn't totally unlike that of Kyle's voice, as both were high pitched and irritating as all fuck. 

Kyle was relieved to have been spared any more vicious back and forth, bolting from his seat and into the hallway. Stan was close behind, clapping and awkward but sweet hand to his shoulder. 

"Don't let him get to you, dude." He said, eyebrows knitted in sympathy. Kyle shrugged him off, shaking his head. 

"I'm used to it by now, Stan." He explained, glancing behind him. "But hey, can I ask you something?" 

"Of course." 

"You need to be honest, okay?" 

"Promise." Stan assured as they reached Kyle's locker. 

"I'm fun right?" Kyle asked, genuinely worried. Stan looked alarmed. 

"Yeah, Kyle!" He said. "You're totally fun!" 

Kyle nodded solemnly, appreciative. 

"Thanks dude, you better to class now. I don't want you getting any more C's, got it?" He warned. Stan rolled his eyes but nodded, waving a hand as he dashed in the other direction. Kyle opened his locker to return a book but was startled by the sound of a familiar voice in his ear. 

"You're so cute when you're angry, Kyle." Cartman purred, the whisper sending a pleasant chill down Kyle's spine. He couldn't help but a feel a little embarrassed, even knowing that any one passing by would assume that Cartman was only taunting him. Hissing ethnic slurs, probably. 

"Go away." Kyle said simply, turning from his locker and batting Cartman away. "I'm mad at you." 

"Aw." Cartman cooed, unfazed even as Kyle began to walk away. Reaching out an arm to grab his elbow, he yanked the smaller boy backwards. "What's your deal?" 

"You said that shit about me being boring!" Kyle exclaimed. It was more of whine really, but God help anyone who told him that. "And I know it's really because I said I didn't want to try your mom's dildo last night!" 

Cartman rolled his eyes, not in the mood for one of Kyle's hissy fits. Even when he was getting fucked on the regular, the kid was wound tight as hell. 

"I didn't say you were boring, Jew!" He defended. "I said you weren't fun. There's a difference, you know." 

"Oh, shove it up your ass!" Kyle said simply. But as he turned to leave once again, an idea struck him. Cartman saw his relax and raised an eyebrow, curious. 

"Uh, what?" He asked, as Kyle began to smirk. 

"We're still hanging out with Stan and Kenny tonight right?" He asked. The friends had plans for a sleepover. Having an all guy slumber party at the age of 17 was admittedly pretty gay, but who the fuck really cared? 

"Far as I know, yes. I think Craig might bring his guys over too." Cartman said, worry creeping into his voice. "What are you planning?" 

Kyle's smirk only deepened as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing the shell of Cartman's ear. 

"I'll show you how fun I can be." He whispered, and now it was Cartman's turn to shiver. 

••••

Tweek was curled into Craig's lap in a fashion so compact it was almost impressive. His gangly limbs folded into themselves like a ragdoll's, bent at all manner of odd angles. Craig's chin rested on his boyfriend's head and when he breathed in and out tufts of Tweek's hair swayed the slightest bit. 

Kyle felt an involuntary pain of jealousy and immediately cringed at his own stupidity. He already had intimacy with Cartman in the most physical sense, so why should he crave the kind Tweek and Craig seemed to have? Because their kind was softer, he supposed, answering the question posed by his own internal monologue. Tweek shifted a little where he sat and Craig's body moved along with it, responding to his boyfriend's subtle cues. 

No one could be sure if those two were fucking, despite how long they'd been an item. With Craig's firm facade of indifference and Tweek's constant low level buzz, neither seemed to emanate sexual proclivity. Every so often in town, Clyde or some other idiot would make some offhand joke about the nature of their sex life. In response, Tweek's face would twist into something scandalized and Craig's would turn to a subtle maroon. 

Presently, they sat among the other boys in Cartman's basement. Kenny sat next to them on a couch gripping a controller and playing Craig in some ancient video game. Despite his passion, the poor boy was no match for Craig's calm demeanor and mad skills. When Kenny wasn't clad in his Mysterion uniform or fucking a hot chick, he was kind of lame. 

"C'mon dude!" Token exclaimed, covering his mouth with one hand to prevent any stray bits of Dorito from flying out of his mouth. "You're gonna end up like Steve Carell in that one movie if you aren't careful!" 

"Despicable Me?" Clyde asked, sincerely confused. Token rolled his eyes. 

"No, dumbass!" He responded. "That other one. What's it called again?" 

"The f-forty year old virgin." Jimmy offered helpfully. Token snapped his fingers. 

"Yes! The forty year old virgin!" He announced. "That's gonna be you, Clyde!" 

Tonight's main subject of discussion was Clyde's virginity or, more specifically, who was going to take it. Bebe Stevens was out of his league and far too intimidating, so it looked like he was going to settle for someone else. Because as far as any of his friends were concerned, remaining a virgin until college was not an option. 

"It's even that big of a deal, dude!" Clyde insisted, looking miserable. "Cartman and Kyle are still virgins, too!" 

Cartman glanced swiftly towards Kyle, who very pointedly avoided eye contact. Their sexual excursions were a secret for obvious reasons. 

"Fatasses don't count." Stan said simply, and without venom. Comments about Cartman's weight were old news to all of them. 

"Well what about Kyle?" Clyde countered, desperate now to get the spotlight from off of himself. 

"Geniuses don't need to be good in bed." Token pointed out with a shrug. Kyle blushed, but puffed out his chest a little in pride. 

"It's a plus, though." Cartman said, licking grease from his fingers and unable to help himself. Kyle blushed even more deeply, deflating once again. 

"What would you know about sex?" Clyde shot back, embarrassed and becoming increasingly irritated with his friends. Cartman narrowed his eyes and stood, nearing the offending party. Clyde's face paled. 

"Do yourself a favor, Clyde." Cartman said, voice low and furious. Kyle knew a bad situation when he saw one and purposely jerked his knee, knocking over the glass of soda in his lap and creating a distraction. 

"Shit!" He cried, jumping from his seat. The others turned their heads, and Cartman's expression changed from angry to puzzled and vaguely annoyed. 

"Jeez, Kyle." Kenny mumbled with a laugh. "Nice one, dude." 

Kyle shrugged, leaning down to pick up his glass. After setting it down he marched over to Cartman, grabbing him harshly by the chubby wrist. 

"Come help me clean this up." He ordered. Cartman opened his mouth to argue but shut it again when after being shot a meaningful glare. 

"Uh, yeah. Okay." He said, running a hand through his hair. The others gawked at his apparent willingness to help his arch nemesis. After noticing the perplexed faces on the rest of his peers he attempted to correct himself, making the rouse a little bit more realistic. "I mean, fine! Wouldn't want you using your Jew mind power manipulate me or whatever the fuck." 

Kyle rolled his eyes, continuing to pull the other boy by the arm and ignoring Stan's alarmed expression. Once out of the room and around the corner, he pushed Cartman against the wall somewhat violently. 

"Dude, what the fuck?" He asked. "What's your problem, Kyle?" 

"What's my problem?" Kyle shot back in a whisper. "Why the hell would you say that shit about me being good in bed?" 

"Is that what this is about?" Cartman asked, exasperated. "That was just a stupid joke!" 

"Well if you keep making your stupid jokes than people are going to suspect that something's going on between us!" Kyle retorted, hands curling into fists. Cartman smirked. 

"Don't act like you wouldn't love that." He teased. Kyle inhaled sharply. 

"What do you mean by that?" He demanded, breaking eye contact. Cartman placed two fingers under Kyle's chin, turning him forward again. 

"You love it if everyone knew about you and me, wouldn't you? If everyone knew you were getting fucked in your tight little pussy every night?" He accused. Kyle felt his entire body heat up and he wrinkled his nose, suddenly unable to form any words that made sense. Cartman's eyes widened in realization. 

"Oh my god, Kyle!" He said with a laugh. "I'm right? Jesus!" 

"Shut up!" Kyle responded, shoving him again. "I had an idea for us, but if you're gonna keep being annoying then I guess it's not gonna happen." 

He started to walk away knowing Cartman would call his bluff, and he did. 

"Okay, okay!" He said, raising both hands in surrender. When he spoke he tried to appear indifferent, but he'd begun to breathe just a little bit faster. "What's this idea?" 

"It's actually more of a bet, if you will." Kyle amended, smirking now himself. If there was one thing Cartman couldn't say no to, it was a bet with Kyle. The other boy rose an eyebrow in question. 

"Explain." He said. Rather than answering, Kyle pulled him into a nearby closet, shutting the door behind him. 

"I think we should fuck in here." He explained, ignoring the embarrassment he felt bubbling in his chest. God, it was so fucking awkward talking about sex out loud. "While all the guys are just in the other room." 

Cartman's pupil were already dilated, and he looked starved for attention. 

"I'm not gonna say no to that, Kyle." He agreed. "But what's the catch?" 

Kyle took a deep breath, hoping he didn't sound stupid or crazy. 

"We can't make any noise, okay? And whoever moans first or whatever loses." He said, and he could feel himself blushing. Cartman grinned like he'd just come up with his latest evil plot, but then his face faltered just a little. 

"And what happens to me if I lose?" He asked, his mind already calculating how he could get out of whatever it was. "I have to suck your balls?" 

Kyle laughed, relieving a bit of the room's tension. 

"No, but don't think I didn't consider it." He admitted. Cartman smiled too. 

"So, what is it?" 

"Whoever wins chooses how we mess with Butters for the next 6 months!" Kyle announced, hands on hips. Cartman groaned. 

"We're still on that shit?" He asked incredulously, as though he hadn't made people into chili for pettier reasons. 

"Are you in or not, Cartman?" Kyle asked, jaw tightening. Cartman's face turned almost grave as he brought it close enough for Kyle to kiss. 

"I'm always fucking in." He growled. With that, Kyle rushed to yank off his soda stained T shirt. Cartman did the same with his own, turning to face the opposite direction. Kyle could see the marks his own fingernails had left during their precious endeavors, shallow cuts along Cartman's shoulder blades. Both boys were already hard, their previous argument having boarded on foreplay. 

Cartman reached in to kiss him firmly, and Kyle immediately forgot about their deal. Luckily for him, Cartman's tongue was too far down his throat for anything but a light gasp to be heard. 

"Are we using spit or fucking what?" Cartman asked, pulling away sharply and without any warning. His town was harsh, but it was hard for a person to look tough while the pudge of their stomach peeked over Terrence and Phillip tightie whities. Kyle picked his jeans off the floor and grabbed and bottle of lube from his pocket, holding it up like a trophy. 

"Were you doing this with some other asshole? Stan, maybe?" Cartman mumbled, opening the bottle. Kyle couldn't sworn he looked almost...jealous. He rolled his eyes. 

"No, fatass!" He exclaimed. "I fucking planned this! What did you think I meant earlier today when I said I'd show you how fun I can be?" 

Cartman looked touched for a moment before ripping Kyle's boxers down and bending him over. 

"Such a slut, Kyle." Cartman purred, as he began to slather Kyle's hole rather unceremoniously with lube. He probed with one finger then two, Kyle bit his lip to keep from losing the bet. "I bet you've been thinking about my dick all day. All hot and bothered for me huh, Kyle?" 

"Shut up, fatass." 

"Do you like it when I talk that way?" Cartman pressed on. "When I call you a slut and a dirty girl?" 

Kyle nodded fiercely, ashamed. As humiliating as it was, the words made him weak with arousal. Cartman removed his own undergarments then, applying lube before sliding in gently, Kyle hissing in pleasure. 

"Giving up already, Kyle?" Cartman wondered, shifting slightly. Kyle closed his eyes, trying to focus all his energy on not making a sound. The other boy was trying to appear collected, but the hitch in his voice gave him away. 

"We don't have all day, Cartman." He whispered. "Just hurry up." 

"As you wish." 

Cartman thrusted forward, a whine deep in his throat. The other boys could be listening right now, he thought. These walls aren't all that thick. They could be listening in and picturing it in their perverted little brains. Kyle bent over, ass in the air. It was a delicious image, but one they couldn't ever have for themselves. Only Cartman got a piece of the best ass in South Park. The thought made him move with more unbridled passion , and at an even faster speed. His breathing was labored as he forced himself to remain silent. 

Kyle's back arched as he too stifled a moan, the blades of his shoulders twisting. His skin was pale, and dusted lightly with freckles. Sometimes Cartman thought he could come just from the sight of it. 

"You're so hot, dude." He whispered. The things he said during sex were always unexpectedly earnest. "And all mine, every fucking piece of you." 

At this he found Kyle's prostate, causing the smaller boy to squirm beneath him delightfully. As the sensation hit Kyle, he thought he may have to forfeit this bet. This frustration couldn't possibly be worth it. Just as he found himself opening his mouth to moan, an idea struck him. 

There was nothing Eric Cartman loved more than a good stroke of his ego, especially from Kyle. Kyle knew just the right words to say now, the ones that would make him see stars. 

"Cartman!" He gasped, in a volume too low to be fairly considered a moan. And it wasn't as though Cartman was in any position to argue anyway. 

"What?" He asked, face red and eyes practically rolled to the back of his head. 

"You win." Kyle whispered, hoping the words would soon become rather contradictory. Sure enough, Cartman's faced contorted as he came with a moan of Kyle's name. Kyle had tricked him, he thought, somewhere in the very back of his mind. That was a dirty fucking trick and he knew it! This would become subject to much controversy later, but for now Cartman was much too dazed to start a fight. 

Kyle reached his own point of climax a moment later, laughing shakily. The others would surely wonder what was taking so long, and they very well might have heard. This thought was a little scary, but Cartman was right about what he said earlier; it was definitely kind of a turn on, too. 

"Fuck you, Kyle." Cartman muttered, face still pink and looking ready to fall into a deep sleep. Kyle grinned. 

At the very least, he could be sure Cartman would never call him boring again.


End file.
